The Wedding Night

This week—another excerpt from my new book, Dating With Discernment, available where all fine subversive literature is sold.  Among the roughly 150 stories recounted in the book, from 120 different people, the passage below, from Chapter Six, “Can He Take Charge for Us? / Can She Esteem Me?”, tells a favorite. I have been thinking about it this week because I just learned that “Connor” and “Violet” are expecting their first child, due in the Spring. I am delighted to recall how this happy news began with this happy story, addressed in the book to single men…




Connor could hardly believe that he had arrived at his honeymoon. He had had moments of wondering whether he would ever be married, especially as a man who had through his whole life experienced strong same-sex attraction. Yet today he had just married the lovely younger Violet and it had been a tremendous day. Now he was anxious about what would come next. Like many guys with same-sex attraction who go on to marry women, he worried if he could have a good physical relationship with his new wife. As Connor put it rather pointedly to me, he worried whether the past would kill the future. It didn’t.



It turned out that Connor’s father died just before the wedding, and he spent a lot of the honeymoon crying. He was, of course, happy to finally be with Violet, but he just missed his dad. Violet swung into action, being patient, being his comfort, being close. She set out to promote him as her husband. With each passing day, as they drew close through her honor of him, he grew in awe and wonder at the beauty of her body. He experienced the thrill of this woman giving herself to him and only to him. Sex was a matter of esteem.


Not all of us start from Connor’s place of disadvantage in approaching a woman, but the dynamics of encountering the glory of the female body, through the relationship of honor, will be the same for you. Connor now says that marriage, beginning there in that honeymoon, helped him embrace his masculinity as nothing else ever has. You would be wise to likewise look for the qualities that make for true womanliness. You will have great sex.

Thank you, Connor and Violet, for showing us a beautiful picture of how intimacy actually does come about in marriage.


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