The Book -Dating With Discernment

What Leaders Say…

How Gender Matters at the Beginning (Paperback)

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Or….Audio version available on Audible

What Readers Say…

“I have never been able to get past the first chapter of dating books because they lacked grace. I enjoyed reading this one.”       —Laura


I’m reading the book to my daughters, aged 18 and 14. They love the tone! They’re laughing and thinking.                —Darren


“This book is unique in showing the big picture of how relationships serve the kingdom of Christ. It helped me see that marriage is not just about being happy.”     —Cristiana


“The book’s stories of brokenness and redemption are so helpful.”        —Paul


“I get asked about dating books pretty often and finally there is a book I can recommend!”    –Lia


“This book was indispensable at the crucial point of evaluating my dating relationship. It’s great.”              —Owen


“I have read many dating books and got burnt out on their formulas, tendency to legalism, and extra-Biblical advice. I liked this book’s deep, comprehensive, and wise Biblical exegesis. The focus on gender differences in relationships makes the book stand out among the rest.”          —Patti


“I’m 73 years old and a widow for 16 years. I had difficulty putting this book down. It will be a great value and blessing to anyone dating at any age.”                —Linda


“I love the book’s examples. Reading it clarifies the hard, scarring experiences I have come through.  It is growth-focused, rather than about how far you have come. So the principles hold whether you are starting at 0 or 50.”      –Eric


“I wish this resource would have been available during my single years. The author writes in a way that is biblical and wise….Rather than manipulating Scripture to create prescriptive rules for dating, Andreades provides readers with the same freedom as the Bible and provides many questions for consideration…Although I am married, I still found myself benefitting from the book. This is a resource I plan to have close at hand for single friends who are navigating the world of dating and looking for godly guidance.”      –Lauren


“This book is a powerful tool for folks pondering marriage. It weaves together Scripture, teaching, exposition, data, and great stories.  Some parts get fairly deep theologically. But the stories and anecdotes from the author’s experience and pastoring give a lot of credibility to what he is saying. The explanation of Genesis 2 is great. The stats and argument against living together before marriage are phenomenal. The point about how God seeks the man in the garden is huge. The book reminded and challenged me in many ways of the husband I need to be. It was a joy reading through.”           —Drew


“I really enjoyed this book, especially how it is not a “how to” book per se.  With its foundational questions to ask, imbedded in rich theological truth, the book can truly prepare young couples to date and approach marriage with a God centered and purposeful relationship. For example, the asymmetry of order in dating and then marriage is explained thoroughly and beautifully and given such a rich, theological context.”          —Patty


“What I appreciated most was the way the questions are paralleled for both men and women…The book is practical, asking pointed questions. While Andreades offers stories and pop-culture references, he reasons with Scripture…He shows how Christianity—and the doctrine of the Trinity—give warrant and respect for the process…This book is filled with invaluable wisdom, with ideas that can chart the course of your life…It grounds us in reality, anchors us in Scripture, and unites us with Christ…This book is a gem.”            –Aaron [from a full review]


“I can get defensive when gender roles are discussed, because I think of a 1950s stereotype and I say, I don’t want a house like that. But seeing through this book all that my guy I am dating is holding responsibility for—which is a lot!– and how I can support him for that, and for our mission, helps me to see it. I now feel I want do whatever is necessary to support him and our family.”   –Jolianna


“Yes. I am worth a good woman in my life who does want to be loved and treasured. Yes. Whoever she is, she is worthy of a man who will love and treasure her…This is a book of good theology and all of us could use that. I contend that many of our personal struggles are rooted in having poor theology in some area, and all of us do. If you are dating, get this book and read it. If you are wanting to date, get this book and read it. If you know a couple who are dating, get each of them this book and have them read it. Pretty much, just get this book and read it.”   —Nick


Dr. Rosaria Butterfield, Professor of English and Women’s Studies

“This is a brilliant book.  Much like he did in enGendered, Sam has found the sweet spot in reading both Scripture and culture simultaneously to anticipate, articulate, and answer the questions that young people (and their parents) are now asking.  He then directs them on how to live faithfully and proactively in the creation ordinance in a post-Obergefell world, where everything from sexual difference to biblical marriage is vexed with Orwellian confusion and despised by those with cultural capital. I especially loved how he opens the book with “How to Break Up” and then directly confronts the pros and cons (and sometimes necessities) of on-line dating services.  The writing style is both informal and compelling, and Sam’s pastor’s heart (and the tire-treads on that heart) are evident throughout.”

Dr. Joel R. Beeke, President, Puritan Reformed Theological Seminary, Grand Rapids

“Sam Andreades offers provocative and profoundly insightful advice for men and women about dating. This book is sure to make its readers think and rethink how they go about seeking a spouse.”

Rev. Geoff Bradford, Senior Pastor of Christ the King Presbyterian Church, Raleigh, and former Philadelphia church-planter

“Sam has done it again! He has taken his pioneering, countercultural work on gender in his last book, enGendered, and applied it here for the church to one of her most misunderstood topics: dating. The Church in America is between a rock and a hard place with regard to this topic. On the one hand, she struggles to disciple people in an overly sexualized culture which views relationships as disposable and transactional. On the other hand, the Church is still grappling with the damage of past teaching on dating that was unBiblical, reactionary, and legalistic. Between that Scylla and Charybdis, Sam offers this refreshing and super-practical book—from teaching on how to break up with someone to 12 questions for knowing if you are Mr. Right or if your date is Mr. Wrong. I will be mass distributing it in my church!”

Rev. Darin Pesnell, Former Church-Planter and Pastor of Iron Works Church, Phoenixville

“As a Pastor, it breaks my heart to see, on the one hand, so many marriages fail and then, on the other, to see marriages never take place as people are finding it increasingly difficult to find a suitable spouse.  Even though online dating promises an abundance of “matches,” I hear story after story of how difficult it is to date successfully.  I’m deeply thankful for Dr. Andreades, a reliable guide in assisting men and women to navigate the complexities of dating in our present cultural context.   The author skillfully avoids legalism while at the same time providing an abundance of practical help that is deeply rooted in scripture in general, and in a theology of gender in specific.  I highly recommend this important book and would love to see the book have a massive impact.”





What Enoch Says…