It started as a slight pause of introspection, a hesitation when he passed a certain corner or when his nose caught a whiff of a certain blossom. It was a feeling that…that…yes, well, that all this was not enough. For the first fifty times, he dismissed it as some alien and ungrateful thought. After all, he really did have it all, everything he could, or should, want.
A dream job had dropped into his lap. Invigorating, absorbing, challenging, employment to which, remarkably, he seemed to be eminently suited. He hadn’t planned for it or trained for it. He hadn’t even known that such a gainful occupation existed. But, now that he had it and was secure in the position, he felt like this is what he was made for. By “dream” I mean, there was minimum hassle in the workplace. He knew the cool delight every morning of waking and remembering the fun that awaited him, in labor to look forward to. And the job left him, come every evening, with a sense of conquest and affluence and purpose that made sleep easy.
And, of course, the job provided a luxurious living situation. Spacious, more than comfortable, a view to kill for, and round the clock dining options and entertainment venues. Even though he had never taken a vacation on a cruise ship, his home seemed to be the closet one could come to having that experience as “home.” Everything was covered too.
Then there were his friends. At least, I think that is the best term for this group that had formed with him. Some of them were always available to game with. He laughed with them (and at them), learned things with them, and they sometimes shared meals together. He could always count on many memorable enjoyments with them and they were always there. From that standpoint, they were near-perfect companions. It was a smooth time of life.
And the core of all of this was that things were good spiritually. He was one of those people who say that they never knew a time of not feeling God’s presence. A sense of, and relation to, the Almighty had always been his center, and his worship during this time in his life was unhindered. He felt like communion with the Lord was the most natural thing in the world, and he never doubted that he knew what God wanted. It was his life and there was never any question of anything getting in the way.
…And yet. There was this feeling. It’s absurd, right? This was such a life, an almost fantasy-like existence. But it got to the point where he could no longer honestly deny what he was feeling. It was a deep grumbling, an unspeakable yearning, a sense of—yes, he had to say it—lack. Yes, that was it, a lack. It was indescribable and yet undeniable. Sometimes it got really intense and made him want to tear through some woods or get to as high a point as he could or yell or something. It made for melancholy moments on the playing field, when his friends found him staring off, as if to a far country. And they couldn’t tell what was up with him.
He couldn’t discern if this was the reason or a contributing factor for the “dark episode,” as he later called it. One day, he just kind of collapsed and was out of it for a long while. When he finally came back online, he felt as if he’d been hit by a truck. When he later felt stronger, he walked toward one of his favorite spots to just meditate. It was a wooded park, with a clearing and a rock that had somehow been scraped into a chair-like shape. All he knew, is that he was awfully sore, with a throbbing pain that mingled with his now typical melancholy.
But the moment he glimpsed it his body, involuntarily, pulsed toward it—What was it? It walked toward him with a steady gaze that melted him, and with its own questioning expression. This heavenly being, this new gift, this, this “part of me”, he thought. “It’s part of me.” And that far off country was suddenly no longer far off.
He stood and his hand went instinctively to his side. That is when the deep sigh arose from he knew not whence and escaped his mouth. “At last,” exhaled the first man, Adam. “Bone of my bone! Flesh of my flesh!…”
(This was a suggestive imagining of a scene from the Scriptures. Click here for more Biblical Scenic Overlooks)