A certain type of question follows me, wherever I go in the body of Christ. As I speak to people about gender, I often hear questions and statements like these:
“I wish I knew how to have a winsome conversation with people about the Biblical view of sexuality and gender.”
“How do I explain my biblical morals and values to those outside the church, especially to those who are sympathetic to gay and lesbian issues?”
“How do I love Christian friends who have totally embraced same sex relationships and transgenderism while still maintaining a biblically faithful position?”
“What do I say to loved ones in my life embracing these things for themselves and who accept, support, and even encourage them as perfectly normal and right for others?”
These are actual statements of folks with whom I interact. (Of course, sometimes the words are different. Sometimes people ask me about people “transgendering.” I don’t correct the term. I say, sure, why not—if that is not the right phraseology today, it could very well be tomorrow!)
The first thing I always want to do in response is applaud the questioner. If you even have this kind of question, you are in Ephesians 4 land, struggling with how to do what it says there: to speak the Truth in Love. We always need both. Truth spoken without Love, in the end, is not telling the truth about God, is it? On the other hand, Loving people without regard to what is True, when you get right down to it, is not really loving at all.
But being in that good place doesn’t mean that it is easy to do. How do we get there, inquirers want to know. How do we do it right? What makes us those confident lovers of souls who walk with wisdom and without fear? How do we become winsome?
Want the answer?
Have a Theology of Gender.
The more certain you are of your own view, the more winsome you can be. Because then you are not defending. You are proclaiming. Understand why you hold what you hold. Appreciate, not just the command, but the beautiful bounty that underlies it. Understand the reasons God, Who only always has our good in view, has said what He has said. Enter into the depth of God’s explanation of the gift.
That depth is what the Bible gives us. It doesn’t traffic in a facile treatment of gender. Understanding God’s gift deeply, and seeing how it operates well in actual lives, changes you into someone happy to share. You can also be sadly confident that if people reject it, over the long term, their lives will exhibit the tragedy. You don’t have to be the teacher. Life will be. The truth is nothing if not practical.