Dating with Discernment: 12 Questions to Make a Lasting Marriage

Done with dating? Don’t know where to start? Wondering if your date is the one to marry? I have taken a couple years to write a book for you and it is finally ready! (Thanks to all of you readers who put in your suggestions on the cover design last month.) Bringing the Bible’s wisdom on relationships to bear on the dating scene, this book, scheduled to launch from Cruciform Press on September 20th, can help you lay a foundation for a love that lasts.


Why did I write it?

I have two children who have successfully married, and two more who are just beginning to date. I wanted to counsel my own two children who are in this vulnerable life moment.  You may not realize this, but married couples now make up less than half of all households. Diminishing marriage rates along with rising marrying ages both testify to a growing difficulty in making the choice to marry. High divorce rates bear witness to bad preparation when the choice is made. This is disastrous for all of us. So, also as a pastor, I have been drawn back to the beginning of marriages, to treat the dating process in a way that lays a foundation for a solid, enduring relationship. I’ve walked with many single people struggling with the perennial question: how do I date to find the right person for me to marry? Is my current date THE one? In that vulnerable life moment, we need theological help to make the dangerous decision confidently.


What does it do?

For those looking for a love that lasts, Dating With Discernment shows the way with the Bible’s wisdom on relationships.

This book enables you to:

  • Confidently say good-bye to ill-suited suiters instead of hanging on to a relationship in fear.
  • Deepen your relationship with God as you date.
  • Find and confidently make a lifetime commitment to a worthy and compatible mate.
  • Understand the role of gender in developing intimacy.
  • Form a strong foundation for marriage in your dating as you grow into what marriage is about.


So the book helps you develop practical Biblical standards to make the dangerous decision. By means of twelve simple questions you can ask of your date and yourself, it teaches you how to use dating to answer the right questions and have fun doing it. All of this comes with plenty of true stories from my two decades as a pastor of how these principles developed intimate and fruitful relationships.


What do readers say?

I did a focus group reading of interested people in my church and then brought them together to talk about it. This was a lot of fun. Here are what some of those focus group readers said about Dating With Discernment:

  • “I have never been able to get past the first chapter of dating books because they lacked grace. I enjoyed reading this one.”
  • “Starting out with how to break up is unique. The book’s stories of brokenness and redemption are so helpful.”
  • “I have read many dating books and got burnt out on their formulas, tendency to legalism, and extra-Biblical advice. I liked this book’s deep, comprehensive, and wise Biblical exegesis.”
  • “The gender framework was so helpful to making a good decision.”
  • “It’s unique in showing the big picture of how relationships serve the kingdom of Christ. It helped me see that marriage is not just about being happy.”
  • “Knowing how our God-given genders power the relationship left me feeling peaceful and confident in Christ.”


Interested? It is scheduled to be out in September. You can check the publisher’s page for updates to the launch or ordering.

Let’s build some strong marriages–from the beginning!




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