The scripture today is from
Proverbs 515 to 23. And just
a note in your bulletin, the
text is wrong but the
reference is correct.
Drink water from your own
cistern, running water from
your own well should your
springs overflow into the
streets, your streams of
water into the public
squares. Let them be yours
alone, never to be shared
with strangers. May your
fountain be blessed, and may
you rejoice in the wife of
your youth. A loving doe, a
graceful deer. May her
breasts satisfy you always.
May you ever be captivated by
her love. Why be captivated,
my son, by an adulteress? Why
embrace the bosom of another
man's wife?For a man's ways
are in full view of the Lord,
and he examines all his
paths. The evil deeds of
a wicked man ensnare him. The
cords of his sin hold him
fast. He will die for lack of
discipline, LED astray by his
own great folly. This is the
word of the Lord.
Thank you, Mark. Yeah,
I'm going to be referring a
number of times different
verses in this passage. So I
apologize that the text is
not right in your Pew Bibles.
There are Bibles around you
and the Pew. It's different
translation than than Laura
read, but you can figure out
it's the same thing and in
your Pew Bibles. It's
on page.
573 those little, these
little black books. I'd
encourage you to open that
and follow along with me.
As I'm speaking 573
now, I wanted to
prepare you.
For. The topic that
I'm speaking on today, I had,
you know, a number of
meditations and a sermon
title that I hope would
prepare you as you came in
for this topic, but they
didn't make it into the
bulletin. So let me tell you
that I'm going to be speaking
on *********** this morning.
And this is an issue that
is ubiquitous and confronts
us. And let me
try to introduce you to it.
Anyway. The
the question is and the the
title of the sermon is
***********. What's the big
deal?One thing I
think that we all need to
kind of realize that we all
do already do realize is that
it's ubiquitous, that
*********** is all over the
place. It's all around us. In
the United States, in the
recent month, 45,000,000
unique users visited adult
websites as tracked by the
Nielsen Net ratings. In
the adult film industry sees
$13 billion a year in
business. That's more than
Hollywood. In
a survey that was recently
done, 2621% of adult
Americans found that viewing
*********** was was an
acceptable activity was OK,
21%. That translates to a lot
of Americans, a lot of adult
Americans, 45 million, infact.
And the advent of of wireless
handheld devices now means
you can have *********** on
your cell phone. So it's a
big deal. It's all around us
in sexual imagery. It's all
over the place. Um,
and it's *********** use
effects even Christians to
some extent. Christianity
Today did a survey of its
readership in August of 2000,
and they found of the
readers, of their readers who
responded, 36% of those who
responded had visited.
Sexually explicit Internet
site. And of that, 3644% had
visited that site a few times
that past year. So what does
that work out? About 15% of
their readership who
responded. It's an issue. And
the saddest thing, friends
for me to read. Was
one study, it's now about 6
years old, that found that51% of pastors.
Admitted *********** as a
possible temptation. And
37% of the passers in this
study said that ***********
was a struggle for them and
33% had viewed Internet site
and a pornographic site at
least once in the past year.
So it's, it's an effect, you
know, and it's, it's
ubiquitous. I've never been
to one of these sites, but it
doesn't seem to matter. It
comes to my e-mail. Now about
half my emails are either
advertisements for Viagra or
the enlargement of some body
part with pictures. So
it's all around us. It's
something we should address
and it's something that
especially we should address
being here in our city
because even today, as I'm
speaking, the gay Pride
parade is starting. And if
you check the schedule of the
of the gay pride parade,
you'll find that. Once again
the the parade is opening
with the ***** on bikes.
Which is the kind of
traditional way the parade
opens where these lesbians
are riding on on motorcycles.
And that's not a big deal if
lesbian on a motorcycle. It's
what's striking is what
they're not wearing from the
waist up. New
York has a nudity law from
the waist down, which they do
their best to enforce during
this parade, but not,
apparently, from the waist
up. So, Gee, thanks, you
know. So here
we have these kind of half
naked folks riding to open
this parade there. What's
striking to me, the reason
I'm bringing it up is because
this is A and this is a
parade that people now walk
in. Major political figures
are supposed to walk in. If
you want to get somewhere
politically, you need to.
Again, his parade.
So mayors walk in this
parade. Senators walk in thisparade.
Presidential candidates walk
in this parade. It's
something you're supposed to
be in. What does this telling
us, friends? **** ismainstream.
**** and sexual imagery, it's
just mainstream is this is
this is something that's part
of what you do.
So.
I have to start, I think
anything that has this kind
of a cultural wave to it,
anything that has this kind
of a cultural influence, I
have to start probably by
talking about why it's wrong,
why there's something wrong
with it. Anything that
overtakes us this way,
because I imagine that there
are people, I would say maybe
3. Different groups here
today, maybe overlapping
groups, and one group you
might be here saying, ohh,
yeah, of course you hear
*********** say, of course
it's a bad thing, why do we
even need to talk about it?
Of course, just don't do it.
73% of adults.
In this country still think
it's a bad thing and and
referring back to that.
Survey I mentioned earlier,
it's about 73% still think
it's morally unacceptable. So
you might be one of those.
They're saying, oh, this is
very clear, it's, it's a bad
thing. But I imagine also
there are some people who are
thinking about this and
saying, I don't, I don't see
what the big deal is. What is
the big deal about
***********?We maybe need
some explanation as to why
this would not be a good
thing. And that's part of the
reason I was asking Bob those
questions earlier that I did
see the kind of societal
effects and maybe personal
effects is what I want to
talk about to you today of
***********. But there's a
third group of people here
who. I'm, I'm sure here who
are saying, yeah, OK, now I
know it's wrong. I know it's
a bad thing, but I can't
stop. You know, you might,
you might believe that
*********** is a bad thing,
but you're you're feeling
entrapped by it. You also
need to know why it's wrong.
Very important if you want
kind of freedom from it.
So I have a little bit of
help from the culture now
because even even a secular
culture beginning to realize
that there is something here
that is bad about the
phenomenon of prevalent
sexual imagery in our
culture. The Psychoanalytic
Psychotherapy Study Center,
which is right over here on
5th Ave. In 19th Street right
over here is they do a series
of lectures here where they
investigate issues that are
confronting the helping
industry, that therapeutic
industry and they try to
bring up issues that are
really serious that they
could that that need help and
need to be addressed and so
the. PSC did this series this
year. The first lecture, the
very first lecture of this
year was on Internet
***********. Now why do we
have a secular educational
institute featuring this as
one of the big problems for
clinicians to be facing?
They were viewing it as a
problem not only apparently,
for the patients but also for
the clinicians. And
they compared *********** to
other addictions. So
you see, there's arecognition there of of
harmful effects by people who
are dealing with the the
effects themselves. There's a
clue for you. There's a clue
that there's something wrong
with this. But this passage
that we just heard right and
we're going to look at here
provides more than a clue,
friends. It tells us why it
goes into. By ***********
even without using the word
what's wrong with it?And
how even to be helped in the
midst of it?
So that's what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna talk about this
passage. And I just want to
say before I do, it's a
little bit hard for me to
preach this sermon because I
like praising sex. Those of
you of the village church
know you come here. You know,
I preach occasionally about
sex and I spend a lot of time
talking it up. I
spent a lot of time I talking
about and praising it. You
know why? Because that's what
the Bible does is the Bible
has has a. Has a
hugely positive view.
Of sex. Praises it, really.
It talks about how good it is
all the time. And so I can't
spend a lot of time praising,
praising it today. I have to
just make the point quickly
that this is something that
the Bible teaches, that sex
is such a great thing. I'm
going to do it very quickly
and we can do it.
In verse 19, OK, where it
says, and I believe in your
Pew. Bibles also use the same
translation. OK, I notice
people are very attentive to
the sermon this week. You
want to see what this text
says, right? Well, good.
Yeah. Open it up there. Verse
19. There are
6 words for breast in Hebrew
friends. This is the most
****** 1. Is being
used in this passage. This is
highly ****** language.
Extremely ****** language.
What's it teaching us? It's
teaching us that God likessex.
That he likes it.
Now this is a test for you.
If you cannot see God being
pleased with you while you
are having intercourse with
your wife, or if you cannot
possibly think that God is
there enjoying your activity
with your husband, then you
have a messed up view of sex.
You're messed up in your view
of sex because this is what
the Bible teaches, that he
delights in this, that he's
present and and enjoying that
activity of yours as much as
he is when you're praying.
If you can't see that,
there's something off about
the way that you're looking
at lovemaking, so it's
completely good. It's to be
enjoyed as much as possible
in your marriage. OK,
I think I've made the pointright.
Alright, why is **** such a
big business? Because sex is
such a great gift. It's such
a great gift, but look at
what this passage teaches
about it. As we look at it,
there really three big issues
of this passage. I would say
the issues and the and the
themes. I would say there
were themes of this passage.
We want to satisfaction. The
other is captivation. The
other is ownership. And
the real problem with ****
friends I'm going to try to
show you, is that **** takes
satisfaction and captivation
out of ownership. OK,
let's look at verse 20. You
see the exhortation, The real
chief exhortation of the
passage is what you're
captivated with. Who are you
captivated by? And it's about
being captivated by someone
who doesn't belong to you.
See, and and so you see that
that this is kind of
something that transcends the
maybe specific circumstance
that he's talking about,
which is maybe an adultery
and he's saying, who are you
captivated by?Problem is
being captivated with someone
who doesn't belong to you,
whether she's on film or
whether she's on a computer,
whether she's on your cell
phone, it's not about an act,
it's about it's about your
heart. It's about and
it's not about action, it's
about your captivation. What
are you captivated by? You're
being exhorted. It's sort of
a command here about who
you're being captivated by.
All right, So it's about
captivation versus 16 verse
17. Talk about satisfaction
and how it satisfaction is
not a public venue.
Characters involved in this
operation are not from the
outside is what it's saying.
It says these springs, these
channels of water, they
shouldn't be flowing in the
street. You know what the
springs, the channels of
water are the author's poetic
way of referring to some
female source of sexual
satisfaction. And the author
is saying that you know what?
It's unnatural. It'sunnatural for that
satisfaction to come from
someone outside your house.
In other words, outside of
the sacred covenant of
marriage. That's what
it's saying. And then
the third issue, they're in
verse 15, third theme is
ownership. Drink from
your own. Well, drink from
your own cistern. Now,
cistern is not a nice word in
our parlance, but I'll tell
you something. If you go to
the Near East or the Middle
East now it's called, which
I'm actually going about to
go to today, you go over to
Israel. I'll tell you the
first thing you realize, You
get away. From the developed
areas that the Middle East is
all about water, you think
it's all about oil now it's
all about water. It's all
about catching it, preserving
it, holding on to it so you
can use it. And cisterns were
very valuable for holding on
to water. There are a lot of
the architecture is about
holding onto water there,
getting it, holding on to it.
Cisterns were very valuable.
They were also very private.
So you see what's going on
here? The author is saying
that real sex, real sex is
about ownership.
Now. Again,
it's a highly ****** way of
talking. Don't want to, want
to, can't go in there. But
this is the way the Bible
teaches real sex is about
ownership and the New
Testament picks up that theme
and actually says it that
way. Possible Paul and 1st
Corinthians 7 says listen,
wife you own. To your
husband's body. In fact, I
was just telling an engaged
couple this week about this.
Again, listen, this is how
you have to understand it.
You own your husband's body.
You own your wife's body.
Paul is very explicit about
it. The apostle. The real sex
is about ownership.
So you see how this
passage applies to
***********?Because it's not
only about visiting
prostitutes, not only about,
you know, going with another
man's wife, but it's about
**** as well. And that ****
is just as much about
captivation as these other
things. It's a much a matter
of the heart. And **** seeks
sexual satisfaction outside.
Of the marriage covenant.
Really what it does is power
and extracts sex out of
ownership. For us.
See ****. Just like
prostitution or adultery, it
extracts sex out of
ownership. It doesn't
extraction. It's kind of
like, you know, eating the
peanut butter without the
bread. In the end, it's just
kind of gross.
Or it's like, you know, going
into the artichoke heart
without going through the
leaves. Right.
Doesn't look like many of you
eat artichokes. OK, we eat
artichokes in our house and
that's always the issue. OK,
actually Susan Sontag put it
better than I am putting it.
This is the way she said.
This is the way she said it,
Susan Sontag said. You know,
*********** drives a wedge
between one's existence as a
full human being and one's
existence as a sexual being.
Very interesting, well said.
Driving a wedge there. It
doesn't. Extraction tries to
take it out of that context.
And this is a challenge in
this passage. What thispassage is doing is
challenging the challenging
you to see that as unnatural.
You see that in verse 20.
That's what he's trying to
do. He's saying you've got to
see this as unnatural. Now,
this is difficult for us.
It's difficult for us to see
it as unnatural because that
would mean. That our
propensity for sexual images
outside of ownership, outside
of our our covenant of
marriage. That would
mean that there's something
wrong with us, right? It's
difficult to see that because
that would mean that if we
are really attracted, if we
find that easy to happen to
us, even on the street,
there's something wrong with
us if it's really unnatural.
And. It
the usual ideas that we're
getting from our culture,
especially now, you know, is
that, you know, men have
these androgens and it's the
way they're made and blah,
blah, blah, blah. And not to
say that there are women who
struggle with ***********. I
certainly want to acknowledge
that. But it's a bigger deal
for men. And this is, you
know, this is how they're
made. This is their visual.
And, you know, they're sort
of structured by this. I was
reading a article just in The
New Yorker of a man who was
saying, I'm hardwired. I'm
not. I'm hardwired against
monogamy. There's a big long
article about this. And he
was being very honest about
his feelings and so honest
that he brought his wife. He
talked, he talked about how
he discussed this with his
wife and she was livid, you
know, about this. But he was
saying, you know, this is how
we're made. It's a natural
friends. This is look at what
this look at what he's saying
here. Why be captivated with
someone who doesn't belong to
you? Is that always saying in
verse 20? Why? Why be it as
if you could not be, as if
you should not be?
He's saying it's not natural.
He's saying there's something
wrong with us. If we're that
way. Now hear that in
the passage and struggle with
it. I want you to struggle
with it because many men just
March right off into a
*********** addiction on that
thought alone that it's so
natural. But I was saying
something very radical here.
In fact, it's quite wrong. It
goes so far as to as to
call extracting sex from
ownership of marriage evil.
Verse 22. This calls it evil.
So **** you know, is not as
bad as adultery. Certainly
in terms of implications and
repercussions, but the evil
is the same.
You see, it's the same thing.
It's the same evil. And so,
as you can expect, with
things that the scriptures
tell us are wrong, they're
also harmful for us.
And there are harmful
effects, as we're talking
about with Bob, but also
personally harmful effects,
even if that's not
immediately clear. And again,
you know, referring to this
lecture at the at the
Psychoanalytic Analytic
Psychotherapy Study Center
that they did. What
they said is quote
compulsively turning to
online pornographic sites has
disrupted relationships.
So they're seeing it. But you
know what at any divorce
lawyer could have told you
that. Just talk to any
divorce lawyer, tell you the
increasing role of
*********** in the cases. So
it's a it's a harmful effect
to your marriagerelationship. Wow, big
surprise. OK, they're
catching up to Proverbs 5
here. But you know
more than that, more than
harmful to your current
marriage relationships,
harmful to your future
marriage relationship as
well. This book Proverbs, in
which we are reading, was
actually written to youth. It
was written to the royal
youth of Israel and Solomon's
time to equip them for life.
These are people to many
people who were not married.
And the, and then you have
the father exhorting his son
and all of these sort of
became, these exhortations
became a curriculum in a way
of educating the youth there.
So they're talking about
harmful effects before.
Marriage even changes the way
you look about things. By the
way, I would say to young
people in this congregation,
read this book. Read this
book. It's very helpful for
getting through youth and and
actually coming out alive.
It's conveniently ordered in
31 chapters. So you read 1 a
day and you're done in a
month and then you can do it
again. But I, I recommend
this to a youth. Very
helpful. That's what that's
what its purpose was, you
know?In 1000 BC.
But I think what's coming out
here is that you don't drop a
**** habit easily just by
getting married, and you
certainly don't drop the
habit of lust of the eyes by
just getting married. It's
something that can harm you
beforehand. OK, so some of
you I know are coming along
with me saying OK, this third
group now. We're saying, OK,
I know, I know.
I know it's wrong, but I
can't stop. How do
I stop Preacher?Will
you stop?
By saying. How big
a deal it is to God.
You stop by saying why it's a
big deal to God.
You see, this passage
understands sexual addiction.
You can see that in verse 22.
Right, the language. The
language there, verse 22. It
summons up trapped animals.
He's entrapped, he's
ensnared, the cords of his
own sin holding him fast.
So this passage Understanding
the feelings of sexual
addiction. And saying. But
since saying you feel
helpless and you feel guilty
at the same time. Is that
possible? Is it possible to
feel helpless and guilty at
the same time? Sure. Is it
possible for it to be true at
the same time? Yeah.
Can they both be true? Yes,
cause **** makes you weak.
It brings you under its power
like Delilah robbed Samson of
his strength. **** robs you
of its strength because it
masters you. It
masters you and the way that
you think about it.
Determines whether it becomes
a trap to you and addiction.
OK, so I want to go one step
deeper into the meaning of
this passage to see why it is
such a big deal to God.
Verse 19. We
can see it right there in theword love.
It says be captivated by her
love. By her love.
And the Hebrew word there,
ohba, it's a particular word
for love, aha, BA. And a
little while ago I went and I
looked at other places where
it was used. It's very
interesting. Ohba stands for
the love between a man and a
woman, but it also stands for
the love of the Lord for his
people. So
what I want to do here is
read you. I just want to read
you 4 passages, 4 verses that
talk about this aha Baja of
God for His people. And I
want you to listen to the
characteristics that are
being expressed. What can we
learn about the Lord's love?
And I specifically want you
to listen for these three
things. Note the
satisfaction. Note the
captivation. And note the
ownership. Deuteronomy 7
Chapter 7 verse 7 This is
Moses talking to the people
of God, talking to the people
of Israel, telling them about
what God feels towards them,
and this is what he says.
Jerami 7 The Lord did not set
his affection on you. That's
another way of saying. Decide
to be captivated by you. The
Lord did not set His
affection on you and choose
you because you were more
numerous than other people's.
For you were the fewest of
all peoples. But it was
because the Lord loved you.
And kept the oath.
That he swore to your
forefathers. That he brought
you out with a mighty hand.
First Kings chapter 10, the
queen of Sheba visits
Solomon. She's very impressed
with Solomonic court. She's
just so impressed what it
what it had been done there
and she's just offers a
praise to God. This is what
the queen of Sheba says to
Solomon. Praise be the Lord
your God who has delighted inyou.
Placed you on the throne of
Israel because of the Lord's
eternal love, the eternal
Ahaba for Israel and His
desire to uphold them, Uphold
them forever, His people.
Isaiah 63 The the prophet
Isaiah Isaiah 63 nine. He
says he puts it this way.
In all their distress, God
too was distressed.
In all their distress he too
was distressed, and the Angel
of His presence saved them.
In his love and mercy He
redeemed them. He lifted them
up and carried them all the
days of old. Carry them
almost like luggage.
Jeremiah 31 Finally the last
the the scripture I want to
bring out the prophet
Jeremiah talks about the
Lord's love in this way and
says the Lord appeared to us
in the past saying I have
loved you, I have aha bad
you. With an
everlasting love. I've
drawn you with loving
kindness. Do you see what's
being said here about God and
the way that He approaches
you, His people?Note
the satisfaction in these
verses. I have delighted in
you. His love is being
compared, you see, to the
sexual love in a marriage.
****** love in a marriage, we
find is really about the joy
of God delighting in you.
Notice the captivation.
He has set his affection onyou.
In their distress, he was
distressed. That's
captivation. Notice the
ownership. He kept to
the oath that everlasting
love carried them all the
days of old. There's a
forever emphasis here in
these, in this love, a
forever emphasis of God
speaking this over his
people. So you
see, friends. This is what
*********** does. It obscures
the sign. It contradicts the
love of the Lord. If
you steal sex out of marriage
covenant, you obscure the
point of sex. Every marriage
between a man and a woman is
first and foremost a sign.
That is its liaison. Detra's
marriage is there primarily
to point to you, to something
else. To give us
hope of greater reality. And
the reality is Jesus Christ
and his committed love for
his bride. The church
marriage is there to give us
an understanding of how much
Jesus loves his people, how
he is solely committed to
them. And when we engage in
**** we destroy the sign of
his commitment to us, of his
rejoicing in us, of his
satisfaction in us, of his,
of his ownership of us.
You see, essentially, when
you use **** you're
proclaiming really, that
Jesus didn't die for us.
That he did not find his
distress in our distress.
The act. The very act that
bought us. The very act that
founded us. His satisfaction
in us. The very act that
demonstrated his captivation
with us. **** using ****
proclaims that either that
didn't happen or it doesn't
matter. That's
why it's a big deal to God
friends. That's why verse 21
it's he watches it in hisfull view.
That's why he's grieved by
it. That's why he examines,
quote, a man's paths closely,
UN quote, about this.
Because that's what it's
doing. Is destroying the idea
of a sign of his love in the
world?And when
a husband, on the other hand,
reserves his pleasure for his
wife, he's saying something
to her. He's saying something
that God once said in every
marriage. And you can feel
it if you're not too cynical
already, if you're not too
burned, if you're not too.
Spent on sex, you can feel it
in your own love making.
Those of you who are married,
you can feel a foreverness in
your lovemaking. If you're
not too cynical already, you
can feel this. Just what's
being talked about in these
verses in your own lovemaking?
This forever feeling All
right, as we come now to the
table, consider these things.
Consider what Christ is
saying that he feels about
you. It's not
natural to be captivated by
someone you don't own. Except
that message.
You can be like the apostle
Paul first Corinthians 7 who
says I will not be mastered
by anything even as great as
great a thing, sex.
And if you're having this
trouble, let me just invite
you talk to one of the
leaders of this church. Talkto one of us.
We can't help you. There is
help for this and we can pray
with you. We can set up
meetings where you come in
and guys can do this in this
church and ask each other
difficult questions to help
you grow in this area, to be
free in this area. Invites
you to do that. It's a lot
messier, sure. To have sex
with a wife than with a
video. But it's better. It's
better. Let me close with the
words of Robertson Davies. I
thought he put it so well.
Davis says this ***********
is rather like trying to find
out about a Beethoven
Symphony by having somebody
tell you about it. And
perhaps Huma few bars.
Amen. Would you stand?
The Lord be with you.
Now lift up your hearts. You
lift them up to the Lord. Let
us give thanks to the Lord
our God. It is right.
Let's pray. Heavenly Father,
we thank you for Speaking of
your love for us, for showing
us what you have done, how
you have set your love on us.
Are decided to be captivated
by us, certainly not, as the
scriptures say, because we're
more numerous than other
people here, but because you
have decided to set your
love. On us and in that Lord
and in Christ, we see what
you have done for us, and it
creates in us a forever
feeling. And so we we turn
now to respond to you in that
with this unending hymn ofpraise.